The Rollback

[Vesuveus]

Another Chronicle of a Coppertop

1st draft

Things were going according to plan, kind of. We met in college and dated on and off for a few years. When she told me the baby was coming, I was happy first and scared second. I put a lot behind me that day and jumped head first into adulthood.

The baby came out to be a girl. She looked like my baby pictures and I loved her so much; I loved both of the girls in my life. She was growing up fast and things couldn't get any better. Things could only get worse. And things did get worse.

I had lost all my friends when I went to college. I made new friends in college, but I lost them when it was over and we all moved away. Research and the job and then the family took up all my time. When she left me our friends became her friends. I was alone.

The loud, messy, busy apartment turned into the small, dark, boring studio. I went from paying for 1 rent, 1 TV service, 1 electric bill and 1 car to 2 of each of those things. Then eventually back to only 1 of those things. I just couldn't keep up.

I called some old friends to learn most of them didn't have the time or patience to be a friend anymore. Especially when a break-up was the subject. Oh well. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. The only one who listened to me, even a little bit, was my old college adviser. She really went to lengths for people. It was clear she cared. She listened to me drone on about the marriage and the kids and the money and the split. It got to the point where I wouldn't even want to hear myself talk about it anymore.

So many regrets.

So I turned to work. I still had success in the office. Research was something I was good at. I could do all this research, lose myself in the scientific method, draw conclusions and then report it to people for large sums of money. I was always right, too. It really wasn't hard. All the information was there, I just put it together.

That Friday I went to the meeting where I was presenting my latest findings. The board was particularly dry that day and so was my throat. Usually when I drone on, they at least nod along. But not today. They just sat there like stooges, staring blankly. When I finished they didn't even move. I activated the lights via remote and was taken back by what I saw.

The counsel chair was pouring a glass of water. The glass should have been full but he just kept pouring. I watched as the glass would nearly fill, then it would blink and be empty. It nearly filled and then blinked. Empty again.

Deja vu?!

So many regrets. Walking home that night I knew that was the end. I really didn't want any part of them any longer after that night. So college resumed and I didn't need friends like that anymore. I had new friends. New people to grow with. We were on the same page. I never missed the old gang after that night.

But what if I hadn't left? I guess I'll never know now.

to be continued and revised

[Vesuveus]

So college resumed and my life was different than it was the week before. No more old gang phone calls or chatrooms. I was out and I was okay with that. I was busy with college life. Class, sports and partying in that order paid off. It was a nice balance and I had good teachers, coaches and friends. I did my own thing in each of those aspects.

Things changes a little when I took on a steady girlfriend. We were both finishing up that year and were ready to get out into the real world. We lived near each other after college but were always together. She got a really good job in the City a short walk from my office building. We met for lunch once a week, if work allowed us to have the same schedule. Friday night were for friends and Saturday nights were for us. It was just like college except we were getting paid to do work instead of feeding societiy's moneysink.

Things were going according to plan until she told me the baby was coming. It was a big surprise since we weren't married yet. I was happy first and scared second. I put a lot behind me that day and jumped head first into adulthood.

The baby came out to be a girl. We waited a while and then one day decided to marry the next month. It was nothing big but it was the special day we both wanted.

The baby was growing up fast and things couldn't get any better. Things could only get worse. And things did get worse.

All my college friends moved away. We stayed in touch, though. Nothing like e-mail for a relationship.

When we decided to split our friends became her friends. I still saw the baby most days of the week, but it's not the same unless you put her to bed and are there to get her up in the morning. Wash up, brush your teeth and fix breakfast. We were teaching her how to live, and now I miss the little things. You miss a little, you miss a lot.

When I wasn't visiting, I was alone. Work was always there for me, but rent and bills were too much to keep up with. The stress didn't so much affect my research as it did my social life; if you could call it a social life.

I had a good reputation at the office. I was the smart, reliable, boring one. I just wasn't the same person I was in college. Blank stares turned to dirty looks when I grew tired of breaking down the data into Layman's Terms. Maybe if they kept up I wouldn't have to dumb it down. I felt as if I was bastardizing the information by treating my research like gossip.

I just was not the same as I was when I was in high school.

The stupid, blank looks on their faces were getting old. Sometimes I would insult random people in the meetings, hidden in my technical jargon, by pointing out how inappropriately they were dressed while never taking my eyes off the slideshow. Some people are so stupid.